One Income? How can I possibly homeschool?

When you tell someone that you are living on one income, they tend to assume the bread winner must, of course, have a significant income.  Oh how untrue that is for so many of us.  

For many years, Dan and I have had two incomes.  His full time job and my very busy wedding photography business.  It enabled us to live comfortably, but it was never what we wanted.  We both wanted me to stay home full time, homeschool our children, and live comfortably on one income.  That seemed like a big challenge that we had no idea how to accomplish.  

I kind of had the the mindset that I lived in the best of two worlds.  I was able to work nights and weekends and still homeschool my children.  The truth is, it was exhausting, hard, and wasn't what I wanted for our family.

About two years ago, we both felt strongly that God wanted us to train us photographers that could take over our business so I could completely step away, wiping our hands clean from a second income.  We had NO IDEA if or how that was possible, but we knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was what we needed to do.  God brought forth a couple that Dan and I both adore.  Their abilities grew quickly and then I became pregnant with number 5.  That's when we knew it was time to close that chapter of our lives.

God provided ways for us to pay off debt, save money, buy a house, and quit our business.  All of that in one year.  I still am not even sure how we were able to do all of that in a year.  Now, here we sit in our own home, with one income, and expecting baby number 5.  

All of those years with two incomes and we could not pay off our debt or save for a house, let alone buy a house.  It wasn't until we committed to closing that chapter, that God made it all happen in such a short period of time.  That is nothing short of God's hand on our lives and our finances.  It has been a blessing to us to watch God move mountains.  

So, as we embark on our one income life, my encouragement to you is this:

If you doubt that you can homeschool because of finances, but you feel God calling you to homeschool, I strongly encourage you to take a big step of faith.  In those moments of obedience, God provides. The fear of finances should NEVER stop us from being obedient to the things God tells us to do.  It isn't a matter of how will you make ends meet.  It is a matter of will you let GOD make ends meet for your family?

To Homeschool or Not to Homeschool

Last year a number of my friends left both the public and private school settings to begin their journey to homeschool.  With that came criticism from so many, just as it did when Dan and I left a private school to begin homeschooling our children.  People ask new homeschoolers all the time, "Why are you homeschooling?"  It is a valid question that many people ask because they're curious.  It's a question some ask because they think a parent is not capable.  It's also a question asked by those administrators who are unhappy that the numbers in their school are now dropping at an astounding rate while the number of homeschoolers climbs every day.

So, why do many of us homeschool?

Homeschooling is what happens when God convicts you to do something different from the norm.  Those who homeschool don't do so because it's the next fad.  I don't know anyone who signs up for the more difficult option just because their friends are doing it.  We do it because we feel God calling us to raise our children in a different way.  Is he calling all Christians to do so?  Maybe.  I can say, he is calling his people by the masses right now.  Left and right Christians are being convicted to homeschool their children.  He's calling His people out of both public and private schools at a rate that we have never seen before and not one of us fully knows why.  What we do know is that our conviction to homeschool should not be interfered upon by someone else who thinks we are incapable, untrained, or inadequate.  NO ONE. I repeat.  NO ONE is more capable of raising and teaching your children than you are.  No one on the face of the earth can love and care for your child the way you do.  I don't need a 4 year degree to teach me how to manage my family, how to teach 1+1 or even Chemistry (a class I never took), or challenge them to think beyond their current level of knowledge.  All I need is to obey.

If God calls you to homeschool, NOTHING should stand in your way to be obedient to his calling.  Money, fear, and doubt are not reasons to prevent us from homeschooling.  Just like anything else in life, if God calls you, you MUST go.  

The first question to ask is, is he calling you?  The second question to ask is, will you be obedient?

Go.  Be obedient.

Character Training

I usually tell people I'm not a list girl.  Truth is, I am.  I love seeing a list with items crossed off at the end of the day.  It feels complete and fulfilling to see the productivity that was made by the time I am finished each night.

Each morning I sit down and quickly make a list for each of the children.  It's a list that contains the school work I expect hope they finish by the end of the day.  Sometimes, however, that list just does not get completed before daddy gets home.

I'm quickly learning that each list isn't always going to be complete.  I'm not just a teacher to my children each day.  We have other things we have to work on besides just our academics.  One thing that often gets in the way prevents us from completing our tasks is Character Training.  

As parents, it is incredibly easy for us to expect our children to know they shouldn't hit their sibling, lie, argue, throw a tantrum, be disrespectful, etc.  After all, most of us have been going over the same issues with our children for years.  It  can easily leave us feeling as if we are beating our heads against a wall.  How frustrating it can be to repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Why does it have to feel like a never ending battle?

As homeschooling parents, we have a unique opportunity that parents of children in modern education do not have.  We have the ability to see how our children act in so many different environments every day.  We don't head off to a parent teacher conference and find out our child acts a different way than they do at home.  We don't feel surprised one way or the other.  We already know how they act because our relationship with our children really is that different.  We are not over bearing, helicopter parents.  We just have a unique relationship with our children that we should each be thankful for.

That unique relationship allows us to opportunity to truly train our children in character development.  Instead of looking at the repetition of teaching character training as an interference with our homeschooling endeavors, look at it as a blessing.  YOU get to be the one to train your child in the way they should go.  Society doesn't have as strong of a grip on our kids.  These precious little ones are not left to figure it out on their own or by the standards of the world.  How can a teacher of 30 students pay attention to all of the character traits that need developing, and then deal with them out of love for each child?  Our children are not left to learn valuable life lessons from their peers, who are also learning from their peers.  

So as your child disrespects you for the millionth time, remember, it is YOUR calling to teach them.  Repetition does not always feel like our friend, but it IS always our friend!  Over and over again, God is standing with you guiding you to teach your children the character traits they so desperately need to learn.  So stand strong parents!  The academics WILL get completed, but not at the sacrifice of teaching our children the character traits God calls us to teach them.  After all, that is far more important than the academics!

An unproductive day or a gift in disguise?

We all have those days.  You know, the one where you lie your head down at night and think about how your homeschooling day would have been so much more productive if you had just managed your time better?

I'm realizing quickly how laughable that is.  Is time management really what I need or do I just need to teach myself to have grace for the days that things simply do not go as planned?  An even bigger question I am often left to ponder is if I need to focus less on the task at hand and more on character issues in myself or my children that are causing our lack of productivity?  

I'm learning that it's usually a lot less of a time management issue and far more of a character issue.  Am I being too lackadaisical for my own selfish reasons?  Are the children being disrespectful, lazy, obstinate?

Those days when I want to throw in the towel are usually the days I need to step back for a minute, regroup, come back with the love of Christ, and be ready to train my children or embrace the training God is putting in front of me.  Instead of beating myself up for not being more productive, I need to learn to pay attention to the lessons God desires to teach me or my children.  Every unproductive moment is not a failure.  It's an opportunity to learn valuable things that our homeschooled children get the benefit of learning on a greater scale than they did when they were in school.  

So as all of us go through our homeschool day, remember, each moment is a blessing.  Today is the day to embrace each moment with the love of Christ.

Socialization

How often have we heard the comment, "Homeschoolers are not well socialized."  Really?  Who decided that?  I have theories, but that's not why I write this.

For our end of the year Classical Conversations class last spring, we all went to the park (despite the rain).  The children ranged from 2 years to 15 years old.  After a short time of being there, a group of middle schoolers or young high schoolers arrived and huddled under a covering on the playground.  It wasn't hard to see their snotty, cliquish behavior while they were standing there in a group.  While I found myself annoyed, I quickly looked over to see my 8 year old son playing with 15 year old, homeschooled, triplet boys without any hesitation at all.  It wasn't one of those situations where the teenagers had to play with my son.  It also wasn't one that seemed more like a babysitter watching over him.  They were peers, playing on a playground and enjoying each others company.  

It's situations like this that have proven to me that homeschoolers are far more socialized than most school attending children.  When I was in school, playing with the younger children wasn't meant to allow the opportunity to become peers.  Instead, it was meant to teach us to care for and help those who are younger.  That's all fine and well, but take the work place for example.  In most companies the older employee looks down on the younger (not all, but many that I have experienced).  As a business owner, I assure you, I would much rather hire someone who knows how to work as a team with others, no matter what their age, rather than the alternative.  Separating children by age does a disservice to our community more than it helps.  Some may disagree with that, but when you see situations like I have had the privilege of experiencing since the start of homeschooling, you would probably think differently.  How often do you find a child who can sit down and have an intelligent conversation with an adult in a respectful way?  That was something I didn't realize was possible for all children rather than a few until we started homeschooling.  A well socialized child is one who can engage in social situations with people of all age groups.  That is the definition of most homeschoolers!

I am not saying my children are better than their counterparts.  I'm saying we have a backwards way of thinking in a broken system run by well meaning adults who just want to equip children to the best of their abilities.  Unfortunately, the system has gone astray.

Just another reason I'm thankful to be a homeschooler!

Oh, the guilt.

Maybe it's because of the crummy, cold weather invading our lives.  Maybe it's because they're sick of each other.  Either way, these kids of mine, who are supposed to be sweet and loving have been nothing short of little terrors.  They're running through this house arguing, fighting, bickering.  Whatever word you choose to give it, that's what they have been doing.  

Lets be honest.  When a mom has a few days in a row that are full of chaos, sometimes she holds it together with grace and love and sometimes she morphs into an insane, vicious and ugly monster.  I have to say, the last few days, I've had more ugly monster moments than graceful loving moments.

Once I lie my head down at the end of the day, my brain refuses to leave me alone.  The thoughts of guilt pile on so thick it feels like I can breathe, let alone sleep.  Those are the nights where I end up with a measly 4 hours of sleep.  How is a mom supposed to be a graceful, loving mom when she has had such little rest and a night full of paralyzing guilt?  What do we do with that guilt?

2 corinthians 7:10 says that guilt can do one of two things.  If it's a Godly guilt it will lead us to repentance but if it is a worldly guilt it will lead to death.  So ask yourself when you lie down at night, is that guilt going to make you a better mom and lead you to the feet of God or just tear you down?

Most of us can probably agree that the guilt we experience after a rough day(s) with our children usually isn't a God given thought to lead us to repentance.  It's in those moments that I reach out to my husband (Dan) for help.  See, this is something I struggle with at least once a week.  I have to wake up my husband, tell him what I feeling and ask him to pray for me.  I need his leadership to bring me back to the feet of Christ and remind me that my failures do not surprise God.  Dan often reminds me to take my thoughts captive (reference from 2 Corinthians 10:5)  I have to literally picture myself grabbing my thoughts and putting them at the feet of God.  There is no better place to go in those moments of mommy guilt but in the arms of the one who is the author of peace.

Have peace of mind in knowing that you are doing your best.  You WILL fail.  You will let your children down.  You will let your husband down.  You will NOT let God down!  Let him meet you where you are and let him help you clean up the pieces and start fresh in the morning.  

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,

for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;

 great is your faithfulness. 

Lamentations 3:22-23

We're So Offensive

We are living in a time when sensitivities are at the surface, often vented with cutting words. Philosophically, you can believe Anything, so long as you do not claim it to be true. Morally, you can practice anything, so long as you do not claim that it is a "better" way. - Ravi Zacharias

We've all heard it before in some way, shape, or form.  People have told us that we can believe whatever we want as long as we don't try to push it on others.  

What does that mean?  

It means a lot of things.  We are a society that does not want to hear opposing views and beliefs.  We fight and argue but we refuse to listen to another person.  Is that the problem or is it that most people have their minds made up and can't back up their beliefs with hard facts?  Is it that people do not know how to have a healthy, good conversation with someone who believes something else?

Christians are lacking the knowledge and wisdom they need in order to make a positive impact on the world.  A teenager can not stand up and tell you why they believe what they believe other than because they were told to believe it.

The problem starts with education.  We are so caught up in making school fun and enjoyable that we no longer teach our children fundamental principles that will allow them to truly enjoy their educational journey.  You can not create a love for learning in a student if he does not understand the basics.  Learning becomes frustrating and more about "getting through."  

We need to stop being a naive, ignorant nation that believes what we are told without doing the research on our own.  We need to stop being afraid of offending people and start having meaningful, educated conversations again.  The days of such conversations seem to be long past, but it's high time we bring them back for the sake of our children and our children's children.