Socialization

How often have we heard the comment, "Homeschoolers are not well socialized."  Really?  Who decided that?  I have theories, but that's not why I write this.

For our end of the year Classical Conversations class last spring, we all went to the park (despite the rain).  The children ranged from 2 years to 15 years old.  After a short time of being there, a group of middle schoolers or young high schoolers arrived and huddled under a covering on the playground.  It wasn't hard to see their snotty, cliquish behavior while they were standing there in a group.  While I found myself annoyed, I quickly looked over to see my 8 year old son playing with 15 year old, homeschooled, triplet boys without any hesitation at all.  It wasn't one of those situations where the teenagers had to play with my son.  It also wasn't one that seemed more like a babysitter watching over him.  They were peers, playing on a playground and enjoying each others company.  

It's situations like this that have proven to me that homeschoolers are far more socialized than most school attending children.  When I was in school, playing with the younger children wasn't meant to allow the opportunity to become peers.  Instead, it was meant to teach us to care for and help those who are younger.  That's all fine and well, but take the work place for example.  In most companies the older employee looks down on the younger (not all, but many that I have experienced).  As a business owner, I assure you, I would much rather hire someone who knows how to work as a team with others, no matter what their age, rather than the alternative.  Separating children by age does a disservice to our community more than it helps.  Some may disagree with that, but when you see situations like I have had the privilege of experiencing since the start of homeschooling, you would probably think differently.  How often do you find a child who can sit down and have an intelligent conversation with an adult in a respectful way?  That was something I didn't realize was possible for all children rather than a few until we started homeschooling.  A well socialized child is one who can engage in social situations with people of all age groups.  That is the definition of most homeschoolers!

I am not saying my children are better than their counterparts.  I'm saying we have a backwards way of thinking in a broken system run by well meaning adults who just want to equip children to the best of their abilities.  Unfortunately, the system has gone astray.

Just another reason I'm thankful to be a homeschooler!

Oh, the guilt.

Maybe it's because of the crummy, cold weather invading our lives.  Maybe it's because they're sick of each other.  Either way, these kids of mine, who are supposed to be sweet and loving have been nothing short of little terrors.  They're running through this house arguing, fighting, bickering.  Whatever word you choose to give it, that's what they have been doing.  

Lets be honest.  When a mom has a few days in a row that are full of chaos, sometimes she holds it together with grace and love and sometimes she morphs into an insane, vicious and ugly monster.  I have to say, the last few days, I've had more ugly monster moments than graceful loving moments.

Once I lie my head down at the end of the day, my brain refuses to leave me alone.  The thoughts of guilt pile on so thick it feels like I can breathe, let alone sleep.  Those are the nights where I end up with a measly 4 hours of sleep.  How is a mom supposed to be a graceful, loving mom when she has had such little rest and a night full of paralyzing guilt?  What do we do with that guilt?

2 corinthians 7:10 says that guilt can do one of two things.  If it's a Godly guilt it will lead us to repentance but if it is a worldly guilt it will lead to death.  So ask yourself when you lie down at night, is that guilt going to make you a better mom and lead you to the feet of God or just tear you down?

Most of us can probably agree that the guilt we experience after a rough day(s) with our children usually isn't a God given thought to lead us to repentance.  It's in those moments that I reach out to my husband (Dan) for help.  See, this is something I struggle with at least once a week.  I have to wake up my husband, tell him what I feeling and ask him to pray for me.  I need his leadership to bring me back to the feet of Christ and remind me that my failures do not surprise God.  Dan often reminds me to take my thoughts captive (reference from 2 Corinthians 10:5)  I have to literally picture myself grabbing my thoughts and putting them at the feet of God.  There is no better place to go in those moments of mommy guilt but in the arms of the one who is the author of peace.

Have peace of mind in knowing that you are doing your best.  You WILL fail.  You will let your children down.  You will let your husband down.  You will NOT let God down!  Let him meet you where you are and let him help you clean up the pieces and start fresh in the morning.  

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,

for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;

 great is your faithfulness. 

Lamentations 3:22-23

We're So Offensive

We are living in a time when sensitivities are at the surface, often vented with cutting words. Philosophically, you can believe Anything, so long as you do not claim it to be true. Morally, you can practice anything, so long as you do not claim that it is a "better" way. - Ravi Zacharias

We've all heard it before in some way, shape, or form.  People have told us that we can believe whatever we want as long as we don't try to push it on others.  

What does that mean?  

It means a lot of things.  We are a society that does not want to hear opposing views and beliefs.  We fight and argue but we refuse to listen to another person.  Is that the problem or is it that most people have their minds made up and can't back up their beliefs with hard facts?  Is it that people do not know how to have a healthy, good conversation with someone who believes something else?

Christians are lacking the knowledge and wisdom they need in order to make a positive impact on the world.  A teenager can not stand up and tell you why they believe what they believe other than because they were told to believe it.

The problem starts with education.  We are so caught up in making school fun and enjoyable that we no longer teach our children fundamental principles that will allow them to truly enjoy their educational journey.  You can not create a love for learning in a student if he does not understand the basics.  Learning becomes frustrating and more about "getting through."  

We need to stop being a naive, ignorant nation that believes what we are told without doing the research on our own.  We need to stop being afraid of offending people and start having meaningful, educated conversations again.  The days of such conversations seem to be long past, but it's high time we bring them back for the sake of our children and our children's children.

I'm not a Supermom!

Has anyone ever said to you, "You're supermom!"  Or maybe you have called a family member, friend, or stranger "supermom".  

I have to admit, I cringe whenever I hear those words escape the mouth of someone who stands in awe of me for whatever reason.  Of course they are well intentioned comments, but true?  Not really.  

It breaks my heart when that comment comes to me from another mom.  Especially when that mom feels down on herself because of something I do/did.  I don't want a mom to look at me and wish they could do what I could.  I don't want someone to feel down on themselves for whatever reason.  I definitely want all moms to just be inspired or to glean ideas.  

My heart aches when that comment is followed by the rolling of eyes.  I just want to scream, "I'm not any better than anyone!  Don't you see?  I fail too!"  

The truth is, that mom who rolls her eyes, is no less amazing than the rest.  We all have something great in us that we are good at.   Just because someone is better at multitasking, playing with her children, or preparing a better birthday party, it doesn't mean she is a better mom or even Supermom.  It just means she's good at something.

A lot of times, I hear the comment "You're a supermom" from a mom who has less children than I do.  If that thought has ever rolled across your mind about someone with more children, just remember this fact, she struggled when she only had one child or even two children.  Each season in a moms life brings fourth different challenges.  Each season is difficult in it's own right.  Being a mom is NEVER "easy," but it is always worth it.

Recently I heard someone say, "she never comes empty handed" about a friend of theirs.  The comments that followed were ones of annoyance, in a sense, because that mom didn't feel she "measured up" in some way.  My question is, why do we have to joke about women like that and roll our eyes?  That women is doing the talent God gave her.  She does it to show you love, not to make you feel bad.

What about the mom who always comes empty handed, but she ALWAYS comes!  She may not have time or the gifting to bring you something, but she does have the gifting to be there for you.

My point is, we're all different.  We have different giftings and instead of beating ourselves up or each other up, we need to start showing appreciation.  We need to realize that the "over achieving" mom is really just doing all she knows.  She's living life.

So when you get annoyed by that "Supermom", just remember, she fails too.  She yells at her kids, fails to get things done, doesn't spend enough time with her husband, etc.  We all struggle.  You're not alone!!!